About
I’m a male in my mid 30’s and to be honest I don’t know myself very well at all. It wasn’t until recently that I even realized I grew up in severe dysfunction, or that it became possible for me to recognize the issues I’ve been dealing with all my life. I grew up with a narcissistic father and a verbally abusive and raging mother. Violent outbursts from my brother seemed like a daily occurrence. I thought I was stronger for it, but the truth is that I was severely damaged. It eventually led me to lead a life full of unhealthy friendships and an abusive relationship with a sadistic girl with a personality disorder. I hit rock bottom and for the first time was forced to face myself and the disorders that come along with it. I seem to have a severe depression and a possible schizoid personality disorder to go along with it. I’d like to take that newfound introspection and heal, but I don’t know how. I’m still picking up the pieces and I’ve lost my way.
I couldn’t tell you why a schizoid would want a blog as it seems to go against the very nature. I was thinking that going against the grain might be helpful and healing, and that resisting that urge to be isolated and keep it all inside would offer me healing and validation. I’m thinking that my problems arise from childhood defenses I developed to survive and that although I can’t see it now they don’t serve me well in adulthood. I’d like to follow the path of those overcoming and dealing with disorders and syndromes of their own. I’d like to beat these issues. I’d like overcome them.
