Numb
As I grow older, I grow more numb. My twisted psyche seems to think that feeling good is every bit as dangerous as feeling bad. My emotions are kept far from me, and I live my life like an inactive observer. I watch the world from behind my brick walls and very little gets in or out. Not only do I not share it with others, I can’t even seem share it with myself. I just watch the clock tick by awaiting the day it’ll all be over. I see happy people living their lives and I seriously wonder, how is that possible? It just seems so foreign to me. If I were happy I just might go insane from the unfamiliarity of it. I think I might find happiness disgusting. Blech! Its so much safer in the comfort zone.
Filed Under Abuse, Childhood, Depression | 2 Comments
My own worst enemy
Despite my less than perfect childhood and a horribly abusive ex girlfriend, the reality of my life may be that I am my own worst enemy. Is that irony? I may be my worst abuser. The others are long gone and in the past, but I seem to be relentless and unforgiving when it comes to beating myself up. How can you not resent yourself more for that? Perhaps the hardest part of it all is forgiving and loving yourself.
Filed Under Abuse, Psychology | 2 Comments